Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
