He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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