my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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