If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
