Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
