u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
