I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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