I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
