He had one of those small greek statue penises
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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