Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
