If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
