I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
