"it" just moved
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
