Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
