If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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