he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
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I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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