I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm eating all of the evidence.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
