Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
