3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
