my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
