New invention idea: vibrating tampons
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
