Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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