I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
