I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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