I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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