im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
