is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
