Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
