i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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