He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
