so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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