We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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