ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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