The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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