I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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