I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
we should paint friendship bongs
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
