"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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