And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
