Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
