Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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