youre lurking in front of me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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