Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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