yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize