He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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