I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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