so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
