I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
