I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
