I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
