"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
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