I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize