you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
