Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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