I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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