so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
