I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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