dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
