On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
