How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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