how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
