She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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